Monday Minute: Monkey

For Monkey's Mom, Michelle: Hold on...we are all putting our postive intentions together for Monkey's health to be completely restored. Holding you in the light with love. The following questions are from the daily dose of reality.

1. How old do you act?

If one can use the types of books one reads as a sign of how they feel mentally, then I'm between the ages of 5 (I love the Magic Tree House Series) to 105, (I also love ancient spiritual poets such as Rumi). As far as behavior is concerned, I go to bed at 9:30 every night so I must act middle aged.

2. As far back as you can remember, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a public school teacher with my own classroom that had a blackboard with chalk, sunny windows, children's art on the wall

3. If you were to write a book based on your life, what would the title be?

This is funny. I used to say I was going to be a real writer when I grew up. I went through a phase where I started several stories, but they only had titles. It takes HOURS to think up a good title. Writers know that the title usually comes after the book is written. I once wrote 50 pages of a memoir but got so sick of myself that I left that project behind. The fake title was "as yet to be written."

4. Something I do that's considered childish by most....

take a nap

5. A story about me or someone I know who overcame great adversity:

When I was 19, my father was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. He was the middle child of 15, 13 of whom survived into adulthood. If surviving a life of dirt, hunger and shame weren't enough, he beat the odds and survived his cancer too. After treatment, he went on to become leader in cancer support groups and spent his life volunteering as a friendly visitor for cancer paitents, offering understanding, hope and friendship. He gave a great deal of credit to his doctors but also to Bernie Seigle, MD who wrote Love, Medicine and Miracles. That book helped him survive. My dad lived a full life for 20 more years, and was able to enjoy his retirement, his grandchildren and so much more. He said his success depended upon the belief that he would recover fully, even when the odds were against him. I had a hat made for him that said,
MY VERSION OF REALITY IS MIRACLE BASED.
I'm believing in that miracle/reality for Monkey.

Happy Mother's Day Mom

Dear Mom,

I'm sorry that I won't be with you today as the nation celebrates motherhood. Please understand that you're with me despite the 700 miles between our homes. Today I want to thank you for the love you share with all of us. If anyone were to wonder what distinguishes my mom's special style of mothering, I'd begin with this list:

You left a sucessful carreer to stay home with us.

You prepared delicious made-from-scratch meals for us, every day.

You smiled even though you had tough issues.

You gave us loads of affection and positive affirmations.

You gave us gobs of free play time.

You kept a clean, beautiful, comfy home.

You exposed us to many, many great people in the community and in our family.

You encouraged our success in school.

You took us to the library, often enough to satisfy my voracious appetite for books.

You taught us how to care for ourselves and for others.

You cared about us, every day.

I remember the hours you spent standing in the kitchen with Dad, canning enough vegetables to feed a small island nation for several years.

I remember all the pet accidents you cleaned up.

Thank you for supporting my dreams and activities, from ballet to softball, from my first job picking strawberries to Knees and Paws. I appreciate the lifetime you've given to me; to Roger, Ken, to Richard, Emily and Elliot. Thank you for teaching us by your example, how to be a loving, caring person and for enriching our lives with your light and faith.

Friday Confessionals: I'm a Quitter

As a child, my parents heartily stressed the importance of not being a "quitter". For every new lesson or set of expectations, from riding a bike to learning the french horn, I developed a stubborn reslove to keep trying. This head-bashing-against-the-wall mule-brained obstinate attitude I'd developed was an admirable quality according to many of my teachers, uncles and parents. It was helpful when learning to water ski, weed a garden, drive a car.
In truth, I would like things to come easy for me and I do not especially enjoy the process of failure, frustration and having no real mastery in any one arena. I've wasted weeks, months, years even decades doing things that I should have quit long ago simply to avoid the shame of being the dreaded "quitter." Perhaps I'd learned too well the lesson that says "the only way to fail is to give up". Looking back, I appreciate this wisdom (after all I do know how to ride a bike and play the horn). Yet, in many ways my committment to not being a quitter caused unneccessary suffering and depleted my imagination and faith in new possibilities. So, I confess, I am a quitter.

I quit:

Smoking.

My first husband.

My housekeeping job. (thankfully, no more scrubbing public toilets!)

Worrying about unemployment.

Being afraid after being assuaulted by a homeless man at the library and the neighbor's vicious dog.

Asking permission for every little thing.

Expecting too much from my teenager.

Trying to be perfect.

Tools, Teachers and A Peanut Sized Story Teller

Many people are not aware that I am developing a love for a subject I hated in school: science. Particularly the study of the human brain and all of its magnificent capabilities. When it becomes a commonly accepted view that our brains have an amazing quality called plasticity, I believe our entire educational system will have to be abandoned. The problem lies in a little ceremony called "graduation". Graduation tells us in an unintended way, that one has earned the right to take a break from class. Foolishly, I thought having my degree made me somehow knowlegeable, articulate, skilled...blah blah blah. Then I tried blogging! There are enormous gaps between what I know and what I think I know. And this is where brain science is useful: According to Jill Bolte Taylor in My Stroke of Insight, "One of the most prominent characteristics of our left brain is its ability to weave stories. This storyteller portion of our left mind's language center is specifically designed to make sense of the world outstide of us, based upon minimal amounts of information. It functions by taking whatever details it has to work with, and then weaves them together in the form of a story. Most impressively, our left brain is brilliant in its ability to make stuff up, and fill in the blanks when there are gaps in factual data. In addition, during its process of generating a story line, our left mind is quite the genius in its ability to manufacture alternative scenarios. And if it's a subject you really feel passionate about, either good or awful, it's particularly effective at hooking into those circuits of emotion and exhausting all the "what if" possibilities." The result: DRAMA and TRAUMA. On top of this, these little scenarios can become chemical loops of thought patterns rundunantly running over and over. Loops of thought that run rampant, until our imagination develops devastaing possibilites.

So, now that I am beginning to understand how I end up curled in a fetal position with a blanket over my head at the end of a long, frustrating day...maybe there's hope. Ironically, the story teller part of our brains is only the size of a PEANUT! How in the world does this little peanut have so much control over my happiness in life!

I have decided to recognize this lying little story telling peanut and not accept it when it tells me that I'm not savvy enough for business, interesting enough for blogging, loving enough to my children...

Sometimes one just needs the right tools and the right teachers, and the unfailing belief that an growing older doggie can learn new tricks. Today I LEARNED how to make a button thanks to a wonderful teacher at oikology101. Thank you for showing me how to do something that three months ago my storyteller said I could never do. http://oikology101.blogspot.com/2008/09/make-your-own-button-for-your-blogger.html

Potluck Photo Party Open Invitation

Every year, my husband and I host a summer's end bonfire/potluck party for our friends, coworkers and neighbors. It usually involves huge quantities of delicious food, frequent laughter, a variety of music, friendly conversations, crafts and games for the kids, s'mores and my favorite--- the jubilant shouts of children chasing one another after sunset. Last year, due to losing both of our dads, we scaled down the event to a more intimate gathering. This year we hope to include a larger group. Thinking of our potluck, I'm inspired to share an online version with my blogging friends. You are cordially invited to a Knees and Paws Potluck party! Instead of mailing me your fantastic covered dishes or yummy baked goods, please send a favorite photograph that shows a life affirming image...you and your family enjoying solitude in nature or celebrating with community...to my email at kneesandpaws@yahoo.com, with a caption. I'll put them all together at the end of the month for a fabulous buffet!

Monday Mugs Then and Now

Complete trust in dad...then and now.