Sometimes it's not easy to be different in a group of like minded individuals. Most of you know that the Religious Society of Friends is my adopted faith and so I'm approaching it without a great deal of experience. Last Sunday, this quote appeared at the top of our bulletin:
"Fundamentally all social and
political questions are economic. With equal wages, the male worker would no
longer fear that his female colleague might put him out of a job, and men and
women will unite to effect a complete transformation to the industrial
environment… A woman needs economic independence to live as an equal with her
husband. It is indeed deplorable that the work of the wife and mother is not
rewarded. I hope that the time will come when it is illegal for this strenuous
form of industry to be unremunerated."
Charlotte French
Despard, 1910Okay, so to provide a little background, sometimes when we gather for worship, the topics arise from a combination of Scripture, faith and the practice of living out our faith in the real world. Quakers believe that religion is the whole of life, not contained in a single place. This might make some of you wonder why we even gather on Sundays to worship. The following will help to shed some light:
COMMUNION AFTER THE MANNER OF FRIENDS
Meeting for worship is the gathering of
the community for the purpose of being together in the Divine Presence. This
can’t be done by ourselves. It requires the gathering of the community of
Friends. It is dependent upon the interaction of other people in the context of
worship. Of course, we may experience the Presence
by ourselves as we gaze at beautiful mountains or lakes or sunsets, and these
can be deeply moving experiences. But the corporate
experience of meeting for worship is different. It is a reminder about that
which resonates deep within us: the spirituality of life and our dependence
upon others for this worship experience.I have experienced something during meeting that is unmistakably the presence. It feels like an electric current that runs through my heart and is so powerful that it feels like I could explode on the inside. The only way to relieve the feeling is to stand up and speak aloud the message. In this moment one becomes the carrier of the message and everyone listens. I have carried a message on several occasions, and doing so makes a deep impact. On days when I've been "prompted" to carry a message, I go home and feel incredibly at peace, but also exhausted. Last Sunday, after hearing the quote from Despard, I was sitting between my two favorite guys in the whole world, and the current of electric presence arrived. Friends are also instructed to wait for a little while during this almost agonizing experience to be sure that the message is meant for the group. Sometimes it's message is just meant for the person who is experiencing the heart thumping "quaking."
People, I was raised in the Catholic church. And let me say that sometimes I miss the simple following along with a formulaic Mass!
While I could explain why I've adopted this faith, I'm going to save that story for another day.
In any case, while my heart was pounding furiously, Richard released my hand because he sensed that I was about to stand up. Thankfully another person stood up and the moment passed. The message was just for me.
But here's what I felt. I was going say that I can't imagine what my relationship to my mother and my father would have been like if I had known that they were paid to be my parents. I don't think I would look at my mom the same as I do today. And it made me think about all the struggling to not only be a good mom, but to be a financial helper.
I wouldn't want to be paid in a financial form for being a mom. Alas, I am not a socialist or a true feminist.
And I look at the men in my life who I love. My father, my brothers, my husband. I'm not jealous that they make lots more money than I do. I don't feel like I need to be "equal" in that way. Look at them! They are loving, giving, hard working people who have influenced me in life affirming ways!
And I think that they would choose to stay at home and be full time caregivers if they could. It's difficult to leave the comfort of your home and go out into the world and bring home the basic needs plus lots of extras.
When my Dad retired, he was sad and bereft not because he didn't go to work everyday and make lots more money, he was sad because after all that time he could finally stay home, but his children had grown up and moved away! He needed to be a caregiver again, and so he brought home a puppy with special needs.
The men in my family are real men, intelligent and kind and incredibly nurturing. They are strong and skilled, educated and generous.
I don't think it's unfair that parenting is not compensated in financial terms. We are a family and we love one another.
In fact I think it's harder to be the one who has to leave, the one who cannot have more adventures and visits with family because they have to be committed to their jobs.
This is nicely expressed, Jenny, and I agree with you. It makes me sad to know that money is the number one concern in most families when love should be. I understand that the parent working outside the home will not have the same kind of relationship with his or her children as the stay at home parent. Parents need to work together to ensure that the bread winner spends quality time with children and that the contributions of the homemaker are acknowledged and appreciated.
ReplyDeleteI'm like you. I don't see things like, "He makes more than me because he's a man." I do what I do because I have passion for it, and that I make a wage doing it is enough.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about parenting as you. It shouldn't have to be something that we get paid for, although I understand the logic behind that quote. I don't think you can put a price on motherhood and being a wife. To do so cheapens it.
I loved hearing how your worship services go!
Shady & Shelly have said just what I was thinking Jenny. You put it all so well and it really was a great post and I loved the great photos.
ReplyDeleteI wrote a very quotable comment, (hahaha) and it got lost I believe in the murky land of internetland. I do agree with what you've said and I will now abandon my deep and introspective thoughts to say you got some really nice looking fellas in your life Ms Jennifer!
ReplyDeleteHugs~
Like Shelly, I really enjoyed hearing how your Quaker Meetings work, although I know you have talked about this here before. It must be wonderful when you feel that heart-thumping 'quaking'. I certainly don't think you should be paid to be a mum. It is a real blessing, but it's not easy work. Sometimes I think that it's much easier to go out to work than be at home looking after a couple of little ones. You always give us something to think about my friend.
ReplyDeleteExcellent post! I'm good with not being paid as a mom, though my husband and I do have disagreements about money. And I think that stems for the fact that he technically earns it and I spend it.
ReplyDeleteBut I think we both have great and bad days in what we do. Though I have a lot more rewards staying home. I wouldn't change it for anything...most days. :)
Diane, it's strange, but the heart-thumping is not really a "wonderful" experience for me. What it does do, however, is to immediately remind me that God does exist and that he has an incredible way of speaking to/through me. I find it to be a little bit scary. It makes me awake! The electrifying presence is just one aspect of God for me. I've had more encounters with versions of the Divine that are nothing like the electrifying presence.
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