Friday, August 30, 2013

An Epiphany on Friendship

The hour is late as I sit in the living room with the company of a ticking clock and the soft light of a small brass lamp.  There is no one else awake to hear the clearest thought that entered the room of my mind.

But it is an important thought.

There is a clear difference between the miracle of genuine friendship and a co-dependent relationship.    

 Perhaps you know that over the past month, I've been struggling with the end of what I believed was a close friendship, but which now I understand to have been a co-dependent relationship.  Since I am no longer participating in it, the other party is throwing a tantrum and sending mail filled with finger shaking accusations meant to shame me into some kind of reaction.

I shall not participate, only observe.

And in this time of observation, I recognize a pattern. When the end of a co-dependent relationship occurs, the person you've recently withdrawn from cries that you were a false friend all along.

 The dependent party will never ever ever take any responsibility for their part in causing damage.

To expect this is false hope.

Unfortunately children will feel loss, and this is part of life too.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

A Little Sanctuary

Perhaps you haven't been following the weather in North Carolina this summer.  Having failed to watch news stories related to this unbelievable climate phenomenon, I can't provide statistics of how many days of rain we've enjoyed.  Maybe the mushrooms growing in the back yard can explain:

I did learn that on average, Greensboro enjoys 217 sunny days per year, which is twelve more days than the national average at 205, and 46 more days of sunshine than Mid Michigan, which celebrates every one of those 171 sunshine days, (including partially sunny when the sun peeks out for less than one minute).

This summer the amount of rainy days has required a change in our expectations and activities.  But in a strange way, I'm very thankful for it.  The back yard is virtually un-mowable, at least with our push mower, which is all we normally need.  The land has maintained a saturated deep green and the birds and wildlife are thriving in the abundant moisture.  All is lush.

But a part of me is really missing our ordinary hot summer with abundant sunshine and afternoon meals shared on the porch under a fan.  Cabin fever has set in to the point that in a moment of whimsy and frustration, I decided to start a demolition project.

I destroyed my walk-in closet.  Completely.  And you might be wondering why I would do such a thing, considering that walk-in closets are supposed to be every woman's dream.  The truth is, I wear shorts and jeans. Since the notion of a career and a professional wardrobe are a faded dream, I don't need it.

I'm sorry that I don't have pictures of the entire process, but the dust was too much for my camera.  Elliot had a blast with a rubber mallet.  He scared me with his strength.

The walls came down in a storm of dust while Richard worked on sealing our new hardwood floor in the family room.  For four days, the house has been in a state of disaster.  Chaos has a tendency to set me off balance, but the end result was more than I hoped for!

As the closet was connected to a vanity area that I use as my Knees and Paws shop, I first believed this new space would be used as an expanded area for work.  Then this idea of creating a multi-use space took hold.  I wanted a meditation/prayer space, a place to write, a place to practice my horn or a place for Elliot or Richard to sit with me if they felt like hanging out while I work on orders.  Richard said "you just want your own house."

Here is my own little house inside our house!  It's ORANGE!

With a blue accent color that is the exact shade of Elliot's eyes. (Martha Stewart calls it balsam pine.)

One of the most exciting parts of decorating this space was using things that I made, and also that Richard made.  The soft blanket was made by Richard and given to me as a Christmas gift.  There is a scene of Paris on the fabric.  I also realized that it's okay to keep some of the things I make for the shop.  Why not be my own best customer????

Emily's love note/art to me reads:  Mom, you always know how to make me smile and laugh.  I appreciate you so much and I love you.

Once the paint dries completely, my sewing machine and tools will be returned to this old desk made new~

There is one thing missing in this creative space, or maybe two.  I'm considering a little papasan chair for the corner and framing one of Elliot's many colorful artworks.  I just might need to send in a custom request at Elliot's Ninja Art shop!

Here's to a great week, no matter the weather!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Displace Yourself

(A Letter)

Dear Me, You, Us,

Displace yourself.
Get away from you.
Your circling thoughts, your daily grind.
Habits habits habits.

Displace yourself and see
You outside of your body, outside of that talking mind.

Displace yourself for a while,
then circle back home.

A great wave of appreciation for your life
and all of the memories you keep as armor
will suddenly become gold.

What of pain?
A fleeting experience you keep reliving by choice.
Choosing the memory of  bites that ripped ego
Choosing dreams over awareness of the present moment
where you are ok
and your thoughts don't need protection.

Displace yourself and see that you are deeply loved and missed.
The righteous indignation you held as a shield can be set down.
Words and opinions can pass through your heart
without tearing
you down
to that place
of worthless, helpless weakness.

Displace yourself and awake
to the clearing sky of your hard head
determined to protect, defend, excuse.

Don't build a fortress where no one can come in.
Or if you do,
leave those walls

Displace yourself.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

A thousand happinesses

As we drove to the library yesterday, Elliot said that he's looking forward to seeing his uncle.  He says he wants to see his uncle's smile, which reminds him of a thousand happinesses.

God has not deprived me of joy, even in the midst of unsettling, disruptive change.

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