Thursday, June 14, 2012

Sliding into Summer

These were taken on the last day of second grade in our little home school.  It was the most fun year of school we've ever had.  I'm encouraged to keep diving further in to this journey. 

Yesterday we spent the day at the pool.  It was the last day of our time as caregivers for our friends, and luckily I'm not feeling sad or bereft because I'm confident we'll be seeing them on a regular basis.  Today I'm retired from nanny-hood. 

It's also our fourth wedding anniversary!  I can't believe how fast the time is flying.   Richard changed my life and my entire outlook by saying a single sentence.  He said this single sentence to me while my tears were soaking the clean cotton of his t shirt.  He said a single sentence and for the first time in my life, I believed it.  He said "Of course God loves you, Jenny."  And then I began a long climb out of a dark hole.

I had made a terrible mistake.  A devastating, life changing mistake.  But with those words, I could manage to keep looking forward.  My then friend, and later on husband, comforted me with something so empowering that no college degree, no material success, no public award could ever outshine it.  He dug up something buried deep inside.  The will to live.  And live with joy.

We were smokers then.  I remember our long talks out on the little porch of my single bedroom apartment.  We sat among the huge, blooming pots of flowers I grew, inhaling, exhaling, flicking ashes and stubbing out the butts.  We were totally engrossed in conversation and absolutely gob-smacked at the connection we kept discovering on ever deepening levels.  I learned that he graduated summa cum laude but never attended his graduation from college.  What a moment that would have been.

I'm still learning what lies beneath his outer persona; which still thrills me. 

I might have a few complaints about the frustrating parts of life, but on the whole, I'm grateful for so much.  It's important to acknowledge when things are affecting the joy that we could be having so we can move on. It's critical to  remember how we are ultimately responsible for our own happiness.  We can take the fullness of life and find something beautiful to focus on.  It really is our choice.  I could complain even further about how every time we go out, there will be  someone to say "don't do that! That's invented fun, and we cannot allow you to throw a tennis ball to the children as they leap from the diving board, because it's not something we have seen before and it may be a liability!"  I could go on crying and whining and throwing my little inner temper tantrum about how REGULATED we are as a society.  Or, I could just keep inventing fun and asking people to look up a written rule that states that it's not allowed.    Living in such a law burdened society, it now becomes my responsibility to live freely by challenging every single objection to my freedom. 

This year, Richard and I are celebrating our anniversary with a little road trip.   Here's to love and freedom, and happiness!  Take what comes your way with a smile!  The dark clouds do fade into bright sunlight.

Happy Father's Day to all the dads too.  I hope you have a great weekend!

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