Monday, April 22, 2013

Happy Birthday Richard!

If you are like me, the impending arrival of your husband's birthday is a little anxiety inducing.  I find myself wracking my brain at the last minute for just the right gift.  I tend to forget how easily Richard is moved by simple gifts from the heart, a delicious meal, and loving hugs from his family.

In Richard's past, the person he was sharing life with never took his picture.  He said that if someone takes his picture, he feels loved.

This is a gift from Elliot, a book of his Elliot's Ninja Art that we ordered from Shutterfly.

Richard was also gifted with a visit from my brothers and my new sister in law and niece.  It was a weekend full of love, adventure and laughter.  We are still flying high from the excitement of simply being together.  Each year, family visits become more sacred to me.

Ken, Felita and Melina    
    Felita is scheduled for deployment to Afghanistan later this year.  We are praying  for a safe and swift return.  She is a professional singer with the US Band of Flight and frequently tours.  Her music heals, uplifts and inspires! Her heart for all people is extraordinary.  Just like my wonderful brother and sweet Melina.

Our best friend Cae also helped Richard celebrate with a generous gift of a meal at the posh Green Valley Grill at the
  O Henry Hotel in Greensboro.   Thank you Cae!  We love you!

When the actual day of Richard's birthday arrived, I still did not have a gift.  I was feeling rushed and trying not to panic.  The thought that I didn't have time kept popping up in my consciousness.  It nagged me while I washed the dishes and baked the cake.  It pestered me when I was making the beds and sweeping the floor. Finally, I sat down at my desk and wrote about this idea of not having enough time.  It came out like this:

I Won't Have Time

I won't have time
to prepare all the gifts
I wanted to give to you

I won't have time to tell
you just how full of
gratitude my heart
has become

While we share this 
moment of flight,
soaring like two arrows

I won't have time 
to tell you that I had fun,
that everything was 

That I came to understand
deep, loving peace
and tenderness
and compassion
and acceptance

Because these are gifts
you give to me.

I won't have time
to tell everyone the truth
of your humility,
your intelligence,
your loving.

Let them discover
on their own.

I won't have time
to say I love you,
that I've really been loving
the idea of you
before I knew you to be real
and present
right in front of me

in flesh,
in spirit,
in the mind.

I won't ever have enough time
to share all the big, unfinished
ideas that roll into this lifetime
of learning and dancing
to Balkan Disko,
sharing ale at sundown.

I won't have time
to explain that it wasn't 
dish washing
that sparked love in my heart.

That it was you 
and all of your beauty
and kindness
and vulnerability
and strength.

It was you
and is you
and I won't have enough time
to explain that fully.

But time isn't really real
according to J.T.
So I'll stop needing 
to have more of it, that illusion
of passage, 
and remember

this is all happening in an instant.
Right now.

So I want to say right now
that I love you,
my love,
my lover,
my friend.

I love you now 
and after 

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