I am an amateur at most of the roles I play. Dear hubby, thank you for saying that it's a good thing I can finally admit to the truth. Dear son, thank you for healing that wound by responding that I'm not an amateur when it comes to "loving".
It's okay to be a beginner. When I taught ESOL, most of my students were beginners. I found them to be much more enthusiastic and delightful than some of the intermediate learners. They loved to laugh at their mistakes and accepted my amateur style of teaching, coming back week after week to fumble with grammar and conversation.
Fumbling is what I do. A glowing light of positive intention is what I need. So here I go, believing in something unseen. Inventory: grow in quality and quantity; let the children find you.