A new summer with my daughter approaches, this time with driver's permit and a bolder attitude. I think she's a little embarrassed about the whole "knees and paws" business. It's that time in life when nothing a mom does is interesting, exciting or cool. Today I am thinking of her. It may be less confrontational to live 700 miles apart while she learns what daily life is like with her dad, but really, it's not so easy. The truth is that I would live through the experience of a hundred heated arguments, name calling and tears just to have her in our home every day. I'm learning to let go.
I have let go.
Our summer together approaches. This past year she's experienced the death of her grandfather, the accidental death of her best friend's mother, the relocation of her two closest girl friends, the tumultuous ups and downs of loving and losing her first boyfriend, a bicycle accident, three of her girlfriends' pregnancies, fights with her step mother, and the absence of me. When I remember what my life at 15 was like I thank God for the boredom.
When I was a child I told my mother that the moon was God's flashlight. After spending yesterday indoors with my flu-sick little boy I managed an evening walk. Every time I looked up, the moon seemed to be right ahead of my steps. This is how I will walk through this summer, with the faith that God is just over the hill, making a way for me to love my daughter the way she needs me to.