Revision. Re Vision. Revise. The act of changing text.
I have a horrible, no good, lazy habit of avoiding the practice of revision. Who has time for it? Does it even matter?
Another little something has occurred, which I'm choosing not to cry over. I haven't shed a single tear over it. Instead I'm working on shifting my focus back to things that really matter in life. But under the surface, I'm bothered, annoyed and prompted to start revising.
My Etsy shop name is a troubling, irritating problem. I've prayed for help with this change. I believe I'm actually being helped right now, and that this uncertain state of affairs is part of the process. I've brainstormed and meditated, coming up with something that might work. Right now it's a handwritten collection of letters on a pad of paper, along with a list of accounts that will have to be changed, and government forms to file. I read that list and thought about what it takes to gather awareness, interest and support. I think about how this time, my blog will change too. It will be revised to fit the "writer/thinker" me rather than the "crafter/shopkeep" me.
The process of revising makes me wonder about the importance of the activities I've chosen to invest time, hope and funds. What do I really value? What do I long to do? How do I really feel about this? What if I just let the whole thing go into a past experience, took an extended leave of absence, and lived more outside, and lived comfortably in my house by cleaning, decorating and remodeling. I could build a better garden, help construct the greenhouse. I could walk in the woods more, spend time in the kayak. I could keep reading poetry and commit to handwritten journals. I could be more involved in gathering good things to learn and share with Elliot. I could sew things for me, or for my family, whenever I felt like it. I could learn to be content not to have a profession, which has been the most elusive thing in my adult life. Jane Goodall once said "a labrador plays throughout his life and dies a child."
This week our weather has been spectacular. I mean, the kind of weather that I dream about when I'm sweating and suffering in August. The sky here...it's incredible. I should have taken my camera out yesterday. SO blue, clear, and cold. I've been out walking and running, totally invigorated by the way 30 degrees feels on my face. Awake! Alive! Six miles of sidewalk on a sunny cold day sends my heart soaring into the realm of a relaxed mind and a fresh perspective. Today I might cancel academic activities and declare a "sunshine" day.
Here's a quote from Naomi Shihab Nye that speaks to my condition:
"To My Dear Writing Friends, I know revision may sound like an ugly word to you. I didn't love it when I was in school. If a teacher told me to revise, I thought that it meant my writing was a broken-down car that needed to go to the repair shop. I felt insulted. I didn't realize the teacher was saying "Make it Shine. It's worth it." Now I see revision as a beautiful word of hope. It's a new vision of something. It means you don't have to be perfect the first time. What a relief!"
With every change I've ever made, there was a little deconstruction that needed to happen before the transformation occurred. I've become resistant to this part of growth, but I know it needs to happen for me to be able to go forward.
Do you remember a time when you felt an unmistakable need for change but were resistant to the process?
This piece of writing needs much revision...but there's a sunshine day waiting..........