It's been rather lonely here. My few regular visitors seem to have lost interest. This makes me a little sad but living in denial won't help. Perhaps I'm failing to connect to readers in their minds and hearts.
This blog started out as a way to document my journey into business as I transitioned from college and several unsatisfying and unsafe working conditions. I was so tired of asking God and myself where I was meant to work that I simply came home. And stayed here.
I wasn't meant to continue to clean the library while my boss watched everything I did from the security cameras ( such a yukky feeling to know you're watched...different from knowing you're being read). I couldn't accept that I could never have my children visit me at work even though my workplace was a learning institution. I struggled with sleep deprivation from rising at 3:30 every morning. The sleep deprivation was what got me in the end. It's a soul stealing, personality erasing condition.
I didn't want to live in that sleepy fog so soon after quitting smoking and exercising. I wanted to enjoy my life and use my intellect and creativity to the fullest. At the time, I felt that the only person who would appreciate those aspects of myself was me.
It was Jill Bolte Taylor in My Stroke of Insight who helped me take the next steps into my new life. As she shared her story of recovery from a debilitating stroke, I felt empowered to embark upon a beginning. She taught me things about my brain that I needed to know. I started seeing myself as a person with an amazing capacity to expand my life and my satisfaction with life by taking on new challenges. Instead of saying "I'm a technophobe. I could never learn any of that stuff they do on computers" I started to try.
I'm still not at a really comfortable place doing this. I mean, yes, I'm comfy at home of course, but still there are uncomfortable aspects. There are oceans of people just like me out there, trying to sell something from home.
There is still so much to learn. But learning is an addictive sort of activity. The fact that I'm ignorant on so many fronts when it comes to business is what makes this fun for me.
And of course, I also do it to show by example the importance of trusting the still small voice inside that leads the way. There are endless possibilities to manifest the things that lay quietly under the surface. One day, my children might need a reference; an example in the real world, a story they can relate to an remember. A story that they watched unfold. I hope by the time they are making decisions about their life's work that I don't have to tell them the old cliche' "you can do anything you put your mind to". I hope they will have absorbed it as a fact of life.