Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Confidence, my fair weather friend

     Last night, while watching Dragonfly, I was captivated by the line "imagination is what gets us there".  A story of a man who loses his wife and unborn child to a natural disaster in Central America, this film is suspenseful, intelligent and visually beautiful.  The main character, played by Kevin Costner, is an ER physician.  When things start to get intense, someone says,  "the reason you are doctor is that you previously imagined yourself to be one."
      The idea that we construct our current reality is an attractive but complicated message. There is a part of me that believes this.  I read this prior to taking a leap into business. On some level we do shape our lives out of imaginations and desires.  But it takes faith to walk this path.
      I lose my confidence often.  It comes and goes like the wind.  One day, I'll wake up feeling full of energy and purpose.  Then a random set of events sends me in a tailspin, straight down a hole of negative blathering.
      And then there's this nagging thought that my imagination is atrophied. There are stretches when I don't create.  I don't write.  I hardly think clear thoughts.  There's a million interruptions.  Something always needs my attention.  I lose my focus.
     If I would only remember that sitting quietly in a patient waiting mode brings great things to the surface. To listen for the still small voice.  Wait to feel the presence.  Spend time with the source of all that is good and beautiful.  It is accessible all the time, but I forget.
     And then I'm left with this question.  When people are ready to die, it seems like they remember their lives as truly beautiful, with amazing and wonderful memories.  I think they are thankful that God was the one who imagined and created it.  The gift of their lives was something they didn't have to create, but something they were blessed to experience.
    So maybe I should stop trying to construct my own future and let it go where it's going to go.   Do you ever wrestle with this?   I'd love to hear what you think.

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