Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Grief

We've lost a somebody, not a something.  A somebody who hugged us.  Who spoke to us.  Who listened.  A somebody who shared popcorn with us.  A somebody who gave therapy to the sick and comfort to the lonely.  A somebody who brought perfect strangers together.  A somebody whom we cannot imagine living without.  But now he's reunited with my dad, his beloved human companion.  He won't suffer from long term illnesses or the pains of advanced age.  He went out walking, equipped with all his senses and joy for life.

It's a heavy, soul dragging loss.  Bear was my brother.  He cared for my parents and my children.  He would lay his great big brown head on my lap and leave it there.  I can feel his warmth and his comfort still.

He never spoke a word to me, except to say "home" or "hunger" in his deep, chocolate lab baritone.

I think my father must have been calling him.  He went outside last night and walked all the way to the dairy farm and never walked back.  There was a man in a car who didn't see him in time.

It's no one's fault.  Accidents happen.

And I am grateful for his life because we were blessed with a family dog that was more than just any family dog.  After I was attacked by our neighbor's dog, Bear was the only canine I could trust.  He helped us prepare room in our hearts and our home for Ozzie.

He helped us launch Knees and Paws by being the canine actor in our first commercial.

Bear earned a special certification as a therapy dog and visited people in hospitals and nursing homes.

He comforted us and grieved with us during Dad's cancer and death.

Bear was there when Elliot got on the bus for his first day of First Grade. 

He was my mother's closest companion and now her house will have miles of space that can never be filled.







35 comments:

  1. Talk about pulling at my heart stings I was ok reading the post but then I saw the photos and my mind went straight to "Chocolate" the Kelpie we had and had to give away to someone with more space for him. He was such a wonderful dog, I know Bear will be missed but as you said it was an accident and he is now at home with your dad

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    1. Thank you so much Jo-Anne. Your kind words mean so much. I think Kelpie's are amazing. I'm sad that you had to let yours go.

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  2. Ah - A good dog will break your heart. And I've had many many good dogs. So good, in fact, that I'm convinced their spirits live on and we will see them again. Your dad is probably thrilled at the reunion, so keep that in the forefront, rather than the sadness from your loss here and now. Good old Bear...

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    1. Thank you Karen, what a touching and heartfelt comment. When you wrote Good old Bear I was able to cry. And that felt good to let the tears fall.

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  3. I'm so saddened to hear of your loss, Jenny. It sounds like Bear was a very special dog and he's just adorable in those photos you shared. Our black lab mix, Cheyenne, was hit and killed by a car about a month after we moved here from MI. She was eleven years old. I'm still acutely aware of her absence and she was definetely a someone rather than a something to us, as well.

    Hugs to you and your family.

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    1. Thank you Jenn. I'm so sad for you to have lost your dog so soon after moving here! Cheyenne sounds like a beauty and a truly great companion.

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  4. Oh Jenny Jenny Jenny, I am just now getting on the computer and seeing this post of yours and I am shattered almost as much as you and your family must be. This hits me hard. Every life is precious and I love dogs. As much as I wanted one as a boy and begged for one I was never allowed to have one. I had a Yorkie in the 70s and now I have my aging and ailing Toto. All dogs are special to me and Bear looked like a very kind, gentle and intelligent canine companion. I am terribly terribly sorry that this has happened. Please remember that Bear is in a better place and reunited there with other friends and family. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

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    1. Thank you Tom. I truly, truly appreciate your friendship and the kind words you've shared with me. Every boy who wants a dog should have one! And every dog who wants a boy should have one too! Hug Toto for me today. I know you would have loved Bear if you were ever able to see him in person.

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  5. Dear Jenny

    My heart grieves with you! Our painful loss of little Romeo 10 months ago when he was inexplicably draw into the direct passage of a speeding car left a scar that will never heal. Romeo was only 5 months old at the time. Such a loss of life. A vibrant, magnificent pup, he had shown so much potential. It cut doubly deep, as he was in our care at the time.

    Losing a beloved family pet in this way is never easy. There are so many what if's. So much second guessing. Bear was evidently a truly remarkable soul. Highly self disciplined and in tune with everyone around him. He possessed such noble bearing and was a gentle soul. As tragic as his death was, I cannot help feeling, as you do, that perhaps he was called by his departed master. My husband was with Romeo at the time of his death and he kept saying that it was as if Romeo was answering to something else. Although he was still so young, he had not run away before and nothing had happened to cause him to do so then. He had enjoyed his walk with the other dogs, was already seated in the car, when he suddenly leapt off the front seat and headed towards his fatal end.

    Bear was not an impulsive puppy. He was a mature, well trained and intelligent companion dog. He would have been walking familiar territory and would have known the dangers of cars

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    1. Dear Desiree,
      I knew that this post was going to unite us, as you are still grieving your beloved Bonnie, and Romeo too. Hugging you through the miles today...

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  6. Oh Jenny. I accidentally pressed publish when I intended to press preview so I could edit what I'd typed. The screen had frozen again, as it does so often on blogger these days when I am commenting.

    I wanted to say that Bear knew cars could be dangerous, so I suspect he was distracted by something at the time of his tragic accident. In your heart, you sensed that your Dad may have been calling him. I do not know Bear's age at the time of his death, but I see from his pictures that he had some greying around his mouth, so I am guessing he was fairly senior. He may have been a little deaf or possibly his eyesight was beginning to fail him? I do know that his sudden absence in your Mother's home will be devastating. Jenny, I know this might be considered unfeeling and premature, but speaking as someone who has been through something similar, we found that adopting our rescue puppies aided our healing.

    Perhaps you could persuade your mom to think about doing something similar. Maybe not a puppy but a young dog of a year or two old.

    I am truly shattered by her loss and the gaping hole left in all your hearts by Bear's tragic ending. I do know that our hearts can expand exponentially to accommodate a new canine companion even while grieving the loss of a former pet. We brought Toby home three days flyer after eldest GSD Tessa had to be euthenased and both Coco and Milo came to live with us in the same week Romeo died. We have resisted adopting a fourth pup since Bonny's death three weeks ago, since Noodle joined us just 5 months ago and we feel five dogs complete us.

    I wish I could take your pain away, Jenny. Please allow yourself to grieve fully and please tell your mom my thoughts are with her. I do empathise fully with her pain.

    This brings much love to you all.

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    1. Dear Desiree,
      Bear was a senior and beginning to feel the aches and pains of aging. In his young days, he survived heartworm, and later pancreatitis. Most recently he had a joint injury on his leg that seemed to be healing with rest. We had often talked about what life was going to be like after he was gone, but preparing for it mentally doesn't save the heart from hurt.
      Your dogs are so beautiful, and I'm constantly inspired by the way you've given them all a beautiful, happy life. We used to sing a song in church with the line "whatsoever you do to the least of my people, that you do unto me" I think that dogs need to be included in that line.
      My mother had actually been considering adopting again, but for now it will have to wait. Although I hope she won't let too much time pass before thinking seriously about it. The loss she's feeling could be a blessing for a new doggie who needs that love she longs to give!

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  7. Oh Jenny...my heart aches for all of you. Our black lab/english pointer is just barely holding on. We've had her for 15 yrs this March if she makes it there. Our pups really are family...much love and consolation to all of you.
    Hugs~

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    1. Thank you Sush, it's so sad I hardly know what to do with myself today. Thank you for being my friend, your love and kindness makes a huge difference.

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  8. Jenny, my heart is absolutely breaking for you. I know that no words can ever soothe the loss and sadness that will have filled the space that Bear has left. He was a member of your family and nothing can or will ever take his place. I still miss Romeo every single day, but I do find comfort in the fact that he is in a much better place - with endless lawns to run on, birds to chase, delicious treats to enjoy and surrounded by love.

    I am sending you the biggest, most loving hug I can muster to fit into this comment box - a truly beautiful soul has left this earth. Rest in peace, gorgeous Bear. You will be missed and remembered.

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    1. Dear Linda,
      Thank you so much for visiting me today and for sharing these kind words. I'm sad that you lost Romeo so suddenly and unexpectedly. That hug makes the loss easier, the load lighter, and my purpose stronger. I'm so inspired by what you've done with your grief, to establish Romeo's Wish. It's an incredibly beautiful and meaningful mission and I'm sending lots of positive intention and energy to you as you go forward.

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  9. Hi Jenny,
    My heart breaks for you in your tragic loss. As an animal lover, who has lost more than one beloved companion unexpectedly, I have an inkling of what you're going through.
    My thoughts are with you.
    Norman

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    1. Dear Norman, thank you for visiting and commenting today. I appreciate your kind thoughts and support. The load is lightened by your care.

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  10. I can't imagine the sadness you feel, but I'd like to think that a dog with such a sense of humour and presence in your life is still with you in big and small ways. Much love to you.

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    1. Thank you Claire! Bear did have a sense of humor! My father trained him to ask to go outside by bringing him an empty toilet paper tube. He would also bring an empty paper plate to ask for a snack. Mostly, he was just about the most loveable creature you can imagine. I appreciate your kindness in visiting, commenting and offering such support.

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  11. I'm so sorry for your loss - Bear sounded like a truly lovely dog and companion. And these pics had me all emotional. I'm sure he knows how loved he was.

    Robyn

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    1. Thank you Robyn, your kindness is balm to the soul. Bear did know he was loved, and that is why he was able to love us all so much.

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  12. huge, huge love. I know how it feels to love a dog, in all their familar, kind, wonderful glory. My heart aches for your loss.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      Thank you so very much for visiting and commenting. The unexpected kindness of strangers is one of life secret joys. It relieves the heavy load of grief.

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  13. Strength to you at this very sad time.
    ~~~~~
    When God had made the earth and sky, the flowers and the trees,
    He then made all the animals; the fish, the birds and bees.
    And when at last He'd finished, not one was quite the same.
    He said, "I'll walk this world of mine and give each one a name."
    And so He travelled far and wide and everywhere He went,
    A little creature followed Him until its strength was spent.
    When all were named upon the earth
    and in the sky and sea,
    The little creature said,
    "Dear Lord, there's not one left for me."
    Kindly the Father said to her,
    "I've left you to the end.
    I've turned my own
    name back to front
    and called you DOG,
    my friend.”
    ~ Author Unknown.

    R.I.P. Bear.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      This is something I will read to my son today. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. The unexpected kindness is truly a healing force.

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  14. so very sorry to hear about your doggie brother.i always believe they are still around and when they arent they've gone to the rainbow bridge to wait for us and to play with other passed on furries.

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    1. Dear Di,
      Thank you so much for visiting and commenting today. Bear was my brother. After the human children had grown up and moved away, my father brought him home, a puppy who had to endure heartworm. With lots of love and care, he ended up outliving my dad. We didn't expect him to make it, but he did. Your kindness has touched my heart and lifted my spirit.

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    2. He sounds like he was a rescue.
      I hope that you find peace eventually. i know it is hard now but it will come in time.
      You may want to read http://www.didoodles.blogspot.com/2011/08/rainbow-bridge.html
      its a piece I found while learning about the rainbow bridge and the role of rescuers

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    3. Dear Di, I had heard of the Rainbow Bridge through Desiree. You are both in South Africa...
      Thanks for sharing it with me!

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  15. Awww I just want to hug you... reading your post was so touching... our pets are always part of our family and I miss each one so very much. Reading everyone's comments brought more tears... There is a very special place for pets... so much they give to us. *hugs*

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  16. Thank you so much Michelle, your friendship and love is something I value highly. Hugging you right back ((()))

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  17. OH! I am So Very Sorry for your Familie's LOSS , Jenny ! We All Will Deeply MISS Bear Very Much ! :( Hug's ! <3<3<3.. Stay Strong ! Tell our Family They are in our Prayer's ! As Well as You, <3 <3 <3... Bye for now ! Love, Your cousin, Sue.

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  18. What to say. I don't even know you. Have never visited your blog until this day. Have never read any of your posts until I read this one - and even then, I looked at the pictures first and fell in love with that wonderful brown face and the happiness it gave me - and you as well.

    And then I read the post - and realized what had happened and my eyes just teared up.

    I found your blog by reading a comment from Odie's blog - and I hopped over. I think I will stay.

    My heartfelt condolences for you and your family. I have 2 cats of my own and 3 grand-dogs and I know the pain you are going through. Take care.
    RetiredKnitter-Elaine

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  19. Sad news indeed. My apologies for not calling by to comment very often, time just seems to get swallowed up by real life!

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