After a long, exhausting day of disappointment, dashed expectations, frustrations...art and my son healed it all. I brought out a big tray of watercolors and paper and we made Mothers day cards, get well cards and little post cards to tuck inside that highlight Elliot's work. We watched my favorite TV show Burn Notice (how appropriate for my condition!) and painted. I was surprised to find that Elliot was really getting into it! The more little cards I cut for him, the more he painted. At one point he commented "I could do this all night!" Just before tucking him into bed in a fort he's made under a high window seat in his newly rearranged and sorted room, I realized that I had completely forgotten to be in emotional pain. I went to bed happy with everything in it's new perception. Emily's decision to stay with us this summer was only an illusion, and with that truth I am free to imagine an construct new plans for new illusions. Or intentions, or best outcomes, or whatever we do when we think forward while being firmly immersed in the present.
More than anything, this time watching Elliot enjoy making ninja art was one I want to remember.