I need to push the reset button. It's not as simple as it seems. I'm not a spa kind of girl. Spending a day relaxing wont do it. I have to revitalize myself by remembering who I am. I long to revisit the habits that once gave me a sense of peace and satisfaction.
I need to clean and sort, to hike and run. I want to throw off the habit of huddling and hibernating. Spring must be coming or I wouldn't have these inner signals that call me to sit up...to be more alert...to open my eyes fully and to celebrate the fact that I am alive.
I am alive and healthy and full of passion and ideas. I have begun taking those rocky, uncertain steps to support myself through creative work. And although I sometimes feel selfish in choosing this path, it is the one job I simply cannot leave.
It's within me.
I carry it around.
I live it.
And that is exactly why I struggle to reset.
Where do you go for a vacation when your workshop is at home and your board of directors are neural pathways in your brain?
I love my new computer and the neat, clean, organized realm of it all. While I sit here blogging, the dust behind me grows. There are closets here that I dread opening. I have a yard full of leaves from last fall.
And this is sort of shameful. Perhaps my reset button needs to be a cattle prod that shouts, Get off your...and get to work!
But then again, if I were still cleaning, sorting, raking and obsessively picking up all the time, there would be no Knees and Paws. There would be no home school for Elliot. We probably would not have our dog.
So, in the end I guess I have grown a little. Progress cannot be measured in how neat the appearance is on the outside. I'm "full to busted" inside with the experience of reaching out to start a business. I grow inside with each new challenge and with the friends I've made.