Monday, August 22, 2011

Letting go

I had to let her go back.  There was no choice.  We've been sharing her since the divorce 10 years ago.  She'll go back to her dad, and it's okay.  But we cried.  We cry every time.  I hate this for her, the traveling back and forth every summer, every holiday.

One more year of school, and then maybe she'll be here with us, attending college and entering the beginning of her adult working life.   I do not know if this will happen, and so I try not to think too far ahead.  For now, our house is a little messy but a lot more empty.

So I know what my mother feels.  What my father felt.

Enter one of the trickiest words in the English language, the biggest hurdle on my path of faith.


Trust is what we must do in order to move forward.  I say a little prayer if I'm in a scary traffic situation, or if someone I know is going through a difficult time.  I say "angel wings over my love (s)".  This helps me to sink into the mindset of trust.  I'm saying it now for Emily.  That every day, unseen angel wings give protection over my lovely daughter.  She has experienced pain and frustration in her young life, along with many happy times and adventures.  She's experienced things I never would have imagined for her when I held her as a baby, so small and soft with big beautiful eyes and blond curls.  I have to keep trusting that God has given her everything she needs to live a happy life here on earth.

On our last day together, we attended the wedding reception of my friend Sandie and her new husband Danny.  The party was hosted by Danny's brother and sister in law, who for many years struggled with debt from law school and life in general.  In the evenings, this couple worked on a patent. They had an idea about a collapsible pill.  This pill was supposed to help sick pets take their medicine without feeling a round cumbersome pill disguised in a treat.  The idea was pure genius...they worked on it at their kitchen table, truly a home made invention.  A big company bought the rights to their patent for millions.  At the time we received our invitation, we had never met this couple or heard of their story.

We arrived at the party dressed in our best (thankfully I decided to let Emily give me a make over! I even wore my heels).   As we stood with our mouths nearly agape at the sheer size of the estate, I worried a little.  I hadn't expected the party to be in a grand house with a small party of guests that I barely knew.

But the party was a smashing success, and we all enjoyed ourselves.  In fact we were made to feel like a part of the family.  Sandie and I were very close friends in school, and those feelings of intimacy, love and respect have survived through nearly twenty years of absence.  I was delighted to see her mother and father, her sister, brother and nephews.  It was like a family reunion.   Their presence put us all at ease.  I enjoyed watching my children relax and have fun, swimming in the pool and making new friendships.    It was a fantastic event to give closure to our summer with Emily.  It was like a happily ever after ending to our time together.

With my heart full of love and happy memories, I return to my work and ordinary daily life. The ordinary actually brings a sense of purpose and calm. It is Monday morning and there is much work to be done.  Fall is the busy season for Knees and Paws.  I have several sales to ship out today, and more work to do on the Writer's and Illustrator's workshop. The YMCA director has agreed to meet with me about my proposal for a class.  I am scheduled to make a presentation on this Thursday.  It will be an amazing opportunity to teach a small class of my own creation and I'm nervous and excited at the same time.

Thank you for visiting and for the wonderful comments.  I look forward to catching up on your adventures this week! 

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