I am different. I have changed. On a daily basis I don't easily recognize this, but I am very different from who I once was. No one can really tell this by looking at me. I'm generally the same on the outside besides gaining a few more pounds, gray hair and more lines on my face. I am different because I have a new purpose.
There have been many times when I've questioned my decision to write a patent application and begin an independent adventure. Looking back, it was a leap into an unknown void, taken at a point in life when internally I felt my options for a successful career would never materialize. It was a lonely, scary shot in the dark.
I am not earning a wage or paying bills yet. And the products are continually changing. Once I was certain that slip on knee pads combined with paws would be a hit with kids who love to pretend. Now I've loosened my conviction about that and expanded into other areas.
I recently had an experience which stands out as a flag marking my divergent path. I was suddenly left with 2 hours to myself while Elliot was at a birthday party.
I was expecting to stay, but on arrival realized that at big kid parties, the parents disappear. So I went shopping in some of the retail stores in the area, completely aimless.
There was nothing that I wanted.
So many items in these stores came from China.
I had no reason to be meandering through the aisles. And that bothered me.
At one time, I used to fill hours with that shopping/browsing activity with no purpose. It didn't seem to bother me then, but it does now. Now when I go out, I'm searching for something that I need.
There is a new urgency to be frugal. To maximize time and finances. To find quality items that are useful.
I felt irritated that I was wasting time.
Projects with long scopes are important for our development. I wish I had known this from a younger age. Projects without an endpoint or a concrete plan are also vital for expanding our lives. They teach us to be open to new people and experiences along the way.
They challenge us to learn new skill sets and ask more questions. To reflect and to practice imagination.
Any activity that results in the combination of love, work and play is vital for feeling energetic, useful and expansive.
In your life, were there times when you clearly recognized a change within? Did it happen as a result of a big event or something more stubtle?
I believe we grow and change throughout our lives, sometimes more rapidly, other times, more gradually. Some life changing events are cataclysmic while others come upon us gently, barely noticeably. I think we often aren't even aware of the depth of these changes, because we're so busy dealing with all the things that fill our days, but in quiet, reflective moments we may recognise that we've grown or changed significantly. I am not sure everyone is as introspective.
ReplyDeletedefinitely food for thought. i recently had an opportunity to buy something that i really thought i wanted. not because i needed it but just because i wanted it. once there, i decided that i really "could" live without it and that it was not a worthwhile purchase. so, i guess that is moving towards change - in a good way.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Desiree. It isn't always - or even usually - a huge event that changes us. It's the day to day dealings, the growth (or not) from everyday life, growing older. Our tastes change, our desires change, the things we need change. Sometimes it's only in looking back that we realize how far we've traveled.
ReplyDeleteI find myself thinking the same thing. I just don't shop or even browse anymore. Nothing is out there that I NEED.
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