Working at a steady pace with no interruptions is one of my favorite ways to spend a day. I don't work with a to-do list, I just dive in and go...from one room to the next. In the yard, I work randomly until I'm tired enough to fall into bed. I would even choose a day at work over a day at the beach for the satisfaction it brings. I'm not a workaholic, ambitious, or an over-achiever. One look at my resume and you'd see that I've accomplished little more than a string of entry level jobs and an undergrad degree. Starting a business was a huge leap that forced me out of my comfort zone. I like to read books and do ordinary things.
So when I discover people who are trying to rehabilitate themselves from depression and anxiety by creating bucket lists, I secretly wish I had that kind of motivation. Maybe it's because I'm sitting here in my pajamas with my coffee growing cold, but I can't think of anything I want to achieve or challenge myself to do.
Someday I will die. I want my life to have meant something, just like everyone else. But unlike Randy Paush, I did not achieve my childhood dream (which was, since age six, to be a school teacher).
I did not become a writer of books. This blog is all I've got.
I live in a house with a yard in a beautiful city. But that is not my achievement. I help maintain it.
I wrote a patent application but somehow people don't consider my invention a real invention since it's not a technical thing ( love those self important folks who ask "what did you invent?")
On the other hand, I continue to give as much time, love and attention to my family as I can. I support them in their dreams and through their problems. I mostly continue to live my life as it naturally unfolds, through the passing of time and events. I try to handle problems with wisdom and common sense. I continually try to be practical and frugal. One of the most wild and unpractical things I've done was to go to hang gliding school and hike part of the AT. So maybe there's hope for me yet.
I guess it's time to think about what I really want my life to be about. What could I do to deepen my experience and appreciation for this daily kind of life? Perhaps this only happens when we get seriously ill and are near death. When we are limited physically, we fantasize about doing normal things like laundry. A few weeks before he died of cancer, my dad risked being seriously injured when he walked down to the basement with a basket of clothing.
Do you make lists of things you want to do, things that will expand your life? I'd love to know if you found it to be effective or self-defeating.
No, I'm afraid I don't make lists, so I'm not really going to be much help to you. I just sense that, deep down, you do want to be a teacher, and I don't quite know the answer to that one, as you have started this business. On thing I do know at my age, is that life really is very short. It just goes by in an instant, so, if you can, try to do what you actually WANT to do. Rather than live with regrets later on. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Thisisme, life us short and goes by in an instant. I am a list maker.. to some degree... ok I make LOTS of lists... I have note books full of them. For most things I find that I get a lot more done that way. I tend to get easily side tracked if I don't have a list to remind me what comes next. I have learned though.. that being sidetracked can be the best thing in the world. Some of the best things that have happened in my life have not been on my scheduled lists of things to happen.
ReplyDeleteI do try to keep my lists ( besides the everyday chore ones) a bit more open ended. Sometimes the things on my list are not the things I accomplish yet once I have done (the thing) it turns out that I can cross it off my list. I do not have an example right on hand.. but...something that relates well for me is how when we pray for something.. we often will have the prayer answered in a way we never thought we were asking for. Sometimes when I do something not on my list it gives me the ability to go cross off something else.
I also find that sometimes it is about looking at things in my life from a different perspective.. I see you as a teacher, of science and English and life. I do see you as a writer.. not as "this blog as all I've got" but as this Blog IS what you have and we read it and it touches us. As for the patent application... it IS something no matter what anyone says.
Life happens quickly, and changes in a blink of an eye... I am not sure how much "control" we have over which directions it goes. I know I am NOT doing what I thought I would be doing at this point in my life.. and I am struggling to find the doors that must be opening since others are closing, looking for the road signs and directions for where I should be going. if you are wondering what you want or what direction you want to go.. explore some options.. wont hurt to ask/try if it feels right go for it.. if not.. then no regrets you tried it out.
so sorry for the long comment!
I feel compelled to respond to the negative voices that belittle what your patent application actually stands for. You have invented, you have created, you are producing something that brings joy. You are actively engaged in creation, production, marketing, interacting. You are a useful and productive member of society. All this in addition to raising and being a good role model to members of the next generation, no small feat in and of itself. Please don't let others bring you down or make you feel badly about your contributions!
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this helps, but people belittling other peoples' accomplishments makes me mad and I just had to write about it!