Wednesday, March 9, 2011

List Making

       Working at a steady pace with no interruptions is one of my favorite ways to spend a day.  I don't work with a to-do list, I just dive in and go...from one room to the next.  In the yard, I work randomly until I'm tired enough to fall into bed.  I would even choose a day at work over a day at the beach for the satisfaction it brings.  I'm not a workaholic, ambitious, or an over-achiever.  One look at my resume and you'd see that I've accomplished little more than a string of entry level jobs and an undergrad degree.  Starting a business was a huge leap that forced me out of my comfort zone.  I like to read books and do ordinary things.
      So when I discover people who are trying to rehabilitate themselves from depression and anxiety by creating bucket lists, I secretly wish I had that kind of motivation.   Maybe it's because I'm sitting here in my pajamas with my coffee growing cold, but I can't think of anything I want to achieve or challenge myself to do.
    Someday I will die.   I want my life to have meant something, just like everyone else.  But unlike Randy Paush, I did not achieve my childhood dream (which was, since age six, to be a school teacher).
    I did not become a writer of books.  This blog is all I've got.
    I live in a house with a yard in a beautiful city.  But that is not my achievement. I help maintain it.
    I wrote a patent application but somehow people don't consider my invention a real invention since it's not  a technical thing ( love those self important folks who ask "what did you invent?")

  On the other hand, I continue to give as much time, love and attention to my family as I can.  I support them in their dreams and through their problems.  I mostly continue to live my life as it naturally unfolds, through the passing of time and events.  I try to handle problems with wisdom and common sense.  I continually try to be practical and frugal.   One of the most wild and unpractical things I've done was to go to hang gliding school and hike part of the AT.  So maybe there's hope for me yet.
  I guess it's time to think about what I really want my life to be about. What could I do to deepen my experience and appreciation for this daily kind of life? Perhaps this only happens when we get seriously ill and are near death. When we are limited physically, we fantasize about doing normal things like laundry.  A few weeks before he died of cancer, my dad risked being seriously injured when he walked down to the basement with a basket of clothing.
Do you make lists of things you want to do, things that will expand your life?  I'd love to know if  you found it to be effective or self-defeating.

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