Thursday, June 16, 2011

With New Eyes

If I expose the bones of truth, you would see that the R word is what helps me to live 700 miles from my home state.  This word is not resume, resources, relief, regeneration or restoration. 

It is resentment.

Not towards a specific person,  place or thing.  The resentment is like a cloud of ambigous junk that rests in the back of my mind, ever present, sometimes buried, sometimes popping to the surface like noxious perennial weeds. 

I remind myself to set this burden down.  I know when it creeps it's way into my heart and how difficult it is to redirect my thought patterns.  Meditating on present blessings seems to work better than anything else I've tried. 
And this time, I was able to visit my Mom in mid-Michigan, while also taking a few days to travel to Ludington, a small northern town on the shores of Lake Michigan. Mom was able to join us there, and together we enjoyed this remote paradise.  After 102 degrees in North Carolina, we appreciated the cool breezes, miles of beaches, sand dunes, inland lakes, magical forested hiking trails, camping, shopping and everything in between.  I decided I could live there.

Today is the final day of our trip.  I could stay longer.   Here are a few photos of our vacation "up north." 

If I were able to shop in this grocery, it would be a pleasure and not a chore.  I loved the open, airy feel of the place.  For the first time, I could shop without feeling like a mouse in a maze.  I resisted the giant dougnuts in the back.  But I'm still dreaming of them!

While walking around town, we enjoyed beautiful historic buildings and delightful little shops.  If one wanted a further adventure, the ferry behind this statue will take you and your car across the lake.

Yet while the developed areas were lovely, Richard and I were captivated by the wilderness surrounding the town.  I did not take my camera on our hikes....but if you can imagine what a trail in Colorado looks like, or the beaches on Key West (exept with colder water), then you'll understand why we loved it.

And as I prepare to return to my other "home" in the south, I realize that the physical place where my resentment begins is really just a place.  The resentment stays deep within, following me to new locations and exiles. Realizing this helps me to set it adrift in the sea of letting go.  And remembering that my absence hurts my loved ones....that helps me to put things in perspective.

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