Something is happening inside. There is a pulling sort of feeling to open myself to other people and to trust in the journey of living in a community.
Under the excuse of motherhood, housekeeping and building a handmade business, I have sequestered myself in solitary confinement.
As a result I have developed an aversion to sharing my thoughts in conversation with people, hiding behind a stoic mask of self preservation. Conversation between two people can be like a duet; one voice working with another. On the other hand it can feel like a solo performance with a silent (and nodding) audience.
After reflecting on my experience with teaching in the summer program, I realize that my solo performance as a writer is an attempt to engage in conversation, a way to connect with friends while working and teaching at home. On one level there is a beautiful satisfaction in this. Yet it does not compare to being fully present in the three dimensional world, engaging in a living, breathing vocal exchange.
I am learning that it has become more difficult to express myself in spoken conversation and easier to express myself in writing.
Which has probably been true for most of my life. I remember that every one of my significant relationships began in writing. A card I sent to someone I met two years ago turned into a close friendship that is alive and energetic today.
So this understanding comes with a challenge for me. To keep speaking out. To talk to people. To be open to more opportunities for sharing in life. If you read this blog regularly, you know more about me than my neighbors and some members of my family.
Perhaps it's because you listen so well.
I have also always been a quiet type of person that tends to hold emotions in but I have opened up to blog friends about things in my life that not many relatives even know. It is a release and has helped me feel better about myself as the journey continues. This is a good community we have.
ReplyDeleteWow - i can so totaly relate to this. it is much easier for me to write my feelings than to talk them. most of my family (except those that read my blog) have no clue what goes on in my ife or my mind. my co-workers and supervisors only know the very top of the surface. sometimes it's vey hard to take down the walls onces they're put up.
ReplyDeletei'm trying...
Interesting post today Jenny, and I so agree with you that our blogging friends really do seem to listen so well!I am certainly very grateful for all my bloggy friends, especially the ones that come by frequently to leave a comment. Blessings indeed my friend.
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm not good at either expressing myself or writing my feeling. By writing blog,
ReplyDeleteI wish I can be a bit better for exposing my feeling; which everyone needs, I think♪♪♪
PS＞
How happy you wrote and taught me about archetype of yours "the angel in the house" which is kind of a counterpart of Japanese one. Oh, every young girl reads or knows fairy tale of "Cinderella". And I reamember my mom told me that endurance would bring you happiness, haha.
Blessing to you from Japan, Orchid.
Haha, Orchid again.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't see my previous comment now, but I meant "equivalent" not "counterpart".
counterpart is almost always for the people, right.
TTFN, Love xoxo Orchid.
Oh, I loved this Jenny! I can relate to what you're saying, too, as although I'm not a writer, I tend to be a more solitary person from choice. My family are my life and I get great contentment from being at home surrounded by my garden and our much loved dogs. I don't think there's anything wrong with being that way at all!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love being one of your privileged followers as I find you incredibly inspiring and real. I think you have a great thing going there, so don't change unless that's what you really want to do ;)
Thank you for your incredibly sweet comment BTW! I will be so honoured to know Elliot is reading my blog. I love the name of his school. He is indeed a very fortunate little boy to have parents such as you.
Tell him my daughter, Linda, has just become the delighted guardian of her own little frog. She has a little pond in a very small townhouse garden and this little fellow just arrived all on his own. She has named him Walter! I have been hearing about him every day :)
Desiree, You are an amazing, uplifting friend. I appreciated this comment more than you know. Especially when you said "I think you have a great thing going there, so don't change..." It's taken a lot of courage to be independently employed and to create a customize learning environment for Elliot. There are many people who might not agree with flying solo, but I feel the same way you do...my family is my life. Thanks for sharing your thoughts today. I'm still smiling inside.
ReplyDeleteI love this post.. made me just want to reach out and hug you. It amazes me how sometimes it feels like we have so much in common... you "get" how I feel and what I am going through even though we are so different.. then I read the comments from everyone who also "gets" it and found myself with happy tears slowly rolling down my face...such a wonderful group of friends you have who all understand. One of the wonderful things about the net is learning how we all are the same even in how we are different... we are women, mothers, wives, some strong bonding stuff :)
ReplyDelete