Thursday, January 26, 2012

Cram-Packed Full Life

I don't know how it happened but I'm starting to feel busy all the time.  This is unusual for me.  I feel most comfortable when I only have one or two things on my calendar, per month.  It's out of character, but lately I keep dividing my time and adding more activity.

Maybe this means I'm gradually joining the land of the living after being a hopeless, insecure closet smoker.

In any case, being out in the world is good for me.  And for Elliot too.  We've done so many wonderful things this week that we're sleeping great and waking up refreshed and ready for more.

After joining a home school group, we were invited to lunch on Monday, which led to a visit and playdate on Wednesday.  We had Tae Kwon Do on Tuesday and Thursday.  Elliot is also taking a pottery class and an acting class at the downtown Cultural Arts center.  Surprisingly, I've managed to divide my work-outs to two per day, which is easier on my joints than spending an hour or more in one running session on the treadmill.

The weather has been so beautiful that in the evenings we've headed out to the woods.  I was uplifted by the realization that my stamina is returning, along with a feeling of deep appreciation for our trails again.  For a while we were going out so much that I was beginning to feel bored and uninspired.  Nature should never feel that way and I'm happy to say that my sense of wonder is returning.   I can't describe the freshness of the air or the fragrance of newly emergent life on the decomposing leafy floor.  It is aroma therapy of the best kind.

Still, through all of this, I can't seem to shake the nagging internal critic who has been ruthless in her abuse of me.  She keeps telling me to get a make-over.  In the afternoon, she begs me to buy nice new clothes, to cut and dye my hair, to buy new make up and wear it every day.  She keeps nagging me to redecorate the sad looking rooms in my house and to put that sewing machine to more practical uses like making new pillows for the wretched couches and drapes for the scandalously naked windows.  She keeps telling me to buy some house plants and put pansies in the pots instead of weeds.  I really have not been able to silence her.  She wants it all done and she wants it done right now.

Someone once said to put all of that stuff on a list.  Maybe that would help.  But I also wonder if that inner critic is trying to tell me something important.  Maybe she's trying to encourage me to be just a little more self indulgent, because she knows that it's not in my best interest to play the martyr game.   She knows what can happen when everything starts to be too much.  Maybe she's recognizing that self destructive behavior is on the horizon unless I start to do something totally self indulgent, right now!

So there wasn't much time for blogging this week.  Which was probably a relief for my sweet friends who visit so often!

Something good is happening today.  I hope it is for you too.

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